I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
