His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
