my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
