You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
