omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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