hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
