THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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