That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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