found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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