maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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