my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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