I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
