Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
