So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
