i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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