Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
