so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
