Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
