Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
