i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize