shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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