I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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