Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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