He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
