some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
