That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
