i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
