I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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