she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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