i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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