Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
