i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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