im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
