when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I didn't notice because vodka
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
