Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
