your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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