we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize