You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
