Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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