i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize