Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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