im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
