That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
