Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
