Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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