Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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