when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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