I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize