I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
