I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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