we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
