For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
