i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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