You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
