genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
