Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
