I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
