Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
