girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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