Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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