he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
