This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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