He had one of those small greek statue penises
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
