If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You dont lie about slip and slides
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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