come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
