it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
