Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
